Grace for Troubled Relationships

Before they could ever come together, Mary said, “Joseph… maybe we shouldn't do this right now. I… I am pregnant.” Joseph replied, “Pregnant? Mary, what are you saying? Have you been with another man and kept it from me?”

That’s exactly why I’m confused, Joseph. I don’t know how to explain what’s happening to me. I am pregnant… but what I carry is of the Holy Ghost. I don’t even have the words.”

When a Relationship Hits a Wall

The relationship came to a standstill, under administrative review, so to speak. There was trouble. Serious trouble. Joseph, being a just man, sought to put her away privately. Just men just have a different way of going about things. Just men operate on a higher principle. Joseph said, Mary, maybe we have to end this whole thing…

Mary Tries to Explain

Mary said, Wait, I will explain. “I saw an angel. He told me I would conceive by the Holy Spirit. After it happened, I ran to my eldest cousin, Mommy Elizabeth, because the angel mentioned she, too, was miraculously pregnant in old age. She had hidden herself so I didn’t even know this.

But when I got there, I found her old yet glowing, fruitful, and heavy with a child. Her testimony strengthened my own faith.” Then I knew, indeed, that it was an angel of the Lord who spoke to me.

Joseph said, “That’s right. I heard Mommy Elizabeth’s testimony myself. It was a miracle. Her story reminds me of Mommy Sarah. But Mary... they were married. You're not! Elizabeth had Zechariah. Sarah had Abraham. You should have had me, Mary.” And the testimony should have been completed.

But Mary replied, “That’s the point. I asked the angel the same thing: ‘How shall these things be, seeing I know not a man?’ But the angel said the Holy Spirit would overshadow me. Joseph, I don’t carry a John the Baptist or an Isaac. I carry Jesus… the Saviour of the world.” This is a little different.

Joseph’s Heartbreak

Joseph was even more heartbroken because of her piety. And Joseph really loved Mary; her quiet spirit and thoughtful disposition kept the man glued to this damsel. However, her explanation defied everything he knew. It defied every logic. “Mary, I love you.

And you know it. And I’m sorry this is happening to us. Remember, I had planned to take you to Bethlehem for our honeymoon! But maybe we need to end this relationship. I don’t understand any of it.”

Joseph could have taken the route of public exposure, public shaming, and public vindication of his own pain.

Option One: Public Exposure

Let me expose her. Let me show the brothers that some of these sisters who pray the loudest, worship the hardest, and act the holiest are not what they seem. Thank God for social media.

I will use my platform to warn every innocent brother like me. Brothers who have a calling, who serve God sincerely, who are pursuing purity. I will tell the whole world to be careful with sisters like Mary. I didn’t know she was a hypocrite.

I was serving God with a sincere heart until I met this ‘spiritual’ sister. Who would have thought someone could be in a church like ours and still be living a double life?

But, 'just men' often consider the second option! They don’t weaponize their pain.

Option Two (The Way of a Just Man): Quiet Mercy

Joseph must have thought: “Yes, I may still have to end this relationship… but I don’t have to disgrace her. What she’s saying might even be true, but I don’t understand it, and honestly, I don’t believe it.

I know the Law of Moses, but I will follow it with justice, not with extremism or legalism. I know my rights. But I'll use my rights with grace!

Maybe this lady has wasted my time. I could have gone ahead with another sister, someone simpler, maybe not as spiritual as Mary, because I don’t want much. I just want a woman I can love, who loves God too. But look at what I’ve brought upon myself…”

Yet even in his confusion, his tone changes: “Still… I respect Mary. She’s a good girl. Whatever is happening with her, may the Lord help her sort it out. If I make her a public spectacle, I may be standing in the way of something God is trying to do in her life. She doesn’t deserve that. I will not shame her. I will simply put her away privately.”

That's the path of the just. Just men go about bearing precious seeds, even while weeping, even with tears running down their faces. They keep sowing precious seeds, not seeds of bitterness, not seeds of retaliation, not seeds of anger or revenge. Precious seeds.

He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him - Psalms 126:6.

Then Grace Stepped In

And while Joseph thought on these things, an angel appeared to him in a dream. The angel gave Joseph the same name given to Mary (Luke 1:31) and added another name, Emmanuel (Matt. 1:23).

The angel preached a brief sermon in a dream, also: “Joseph, you are living in prophecy. You are living in history. What has happened to your wife was written long ago.

It has been done so that what the Lord spoke by the prophet might be fulfilled: ‘A virgin shall be with child’, and Joseph, that virgin is your wife, ‘and she shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel,’ which means God with us.” 

Grace for hearts in confusion, grace for stories interrupted

In that moment, everything became clearer than anything Joseph had ever known. Joseph never argued. He didn’t negotiate. He didn’t complain. He didn’t feel the need to explain it to his best man or justify it to his friends; that was not their obedience, it was his.

So Joseph made up his mind and said to Mary, “Our honeymoon still stands.” Mary, astonished, asked, “What happened?” and he replied, “An angel appeared to me and cleared every doubt.” And Mary did not respond with, “So you didn’t believe me, did you? You didn’t trust me?”

She didn’t reopen old wounds or restart a cycle of self-pity. Instead, she simply said, “We’ve had enough already. Let’s move on. Where are we starting from?” Oh, grace, grace, God’s grace! Grace for hearts in confusion, grace for stories interrupted, grace for misunderstandings healed, grace for troubled relationships. Thank you for reading. If this article has spoken to you, please consider leaving a brief comment. Your feedback may encourage others to read it as well. If you have questions, feel free to send them to me through the chatbot, and I will respond at my earliest convenience.

Please stop by again tomorrow for a fresh insight - Tabe Abane!